The Silliest Little Short Ever III
by nat-chan
Summary: It all began with a bag of gummies that just. wouldn't. open.


The Silliest Little Short Ever III  
  
Author: nat-chan  
E-mail: natia_99@yahoo.com  
Disclaimer: I do not own sailormoon.  
Personal Disclaimer: Everytime I embark on a silly short, I lose my mind. Thank you.  
  
Author's Notes: I know I know "Auuughhh nat-chan made another one?!?!"  
What inspired this one you ask? A bag of gummi bears that would NOT open!!!!  
RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!   
  
heh heh *sweatdrop* minna?  
  
silence.  
  
sigh.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Andrew's POV*  
How did I come to find the startling image of Serena, sprawled suggestively across  
Darien in a sea of gummi bears you ask?  
  
Well, perhaps you didn't ask, but I will tell you all the same.  
  
You see, it all started when....  
  
*Author's Point of View*  
  
Serena jaunted carelessly through the streets of Juuban, happily clasping a bag  
of delicious gummi bears. Could life be sweeter? Soon she would be at the arcade  
and enjoying the sugary treat!   
  
She'd managed to pull up her grade on that last test, and Haruna-sensai had let her out  
WITHOUT detention becasuse she was so impressed!  
  
Now she had an A+ test AND gummi bears! She was prepared for...the baka.  
  
She entered the arcade with a jangle of bells and he whipped around in his stool  
with a smirk, all ready to torment his meatballhead again.  
  
But as he opened his mouth Serena suddenly stuffed her A+ test into it,  
not even looking at him as she walked by. Just *stuff* into his mouth it   
went, followed by a muffled sound of shock from Darien.  
  
"Hey Andrew!" She cheered and sat down at the counter  
  
"Hey Serena!" He greeted, making her a triple fudge sundae and setting it  
down for her. He turned to Darien and frowned.  
  
"Uh...Dare? What's that in your mouth pal?"  
  
Darien, mouthful of wadded testpaper, frowned. The effect was  
rather comical.  
  
He pulled the test out, "Another failed test I'd imagine--"  
  
He unfolded it, "..........."  
  
The silence was golden.  
  
Heh heh heh.  
  
Serena watched his shock with amusement.  
  
"That's RIGHT BAKA!!!! An A+!!! You can NEVER  
make fun of me AGAIN!!!!"  
  
"Au contraire Meatballhead, there's always you're hair! mwahahaha!"  
  
Serena's eyes narrowed. She stomped over to him, tearing out her  
buns as she went, it seemed to rain bobby pins--Andrew held up a tray  
to protect himself and the steady clank of pins made for a rather  
gangster-like sound.  
  
"FINE!" She shrieked, "Out they go! THERE! NOW YOU CAN'T MAKE FUN  
OF MY HAIR EITHER!!!!!!"  
  
Darien's eyes widened as Serena's beautiful golden hair tumbled down  
and spilled everywhere.....  
  
She looked ready to sock him one however and he got up to run when  
she suddenly tripped over her hair and fell flat on her face...  
  
He choked up with laughter, "Ha ha...I think my klutz-o-meter  
just exploded!!!!"  
  
She lept up with a growl and rushed him, making for a great  
punch when she slipped on her hair and slammed into him,  
knocking him off balance so that he slipped on her hair too...  
  
"Serena...what the--whoa!!!!!"  
  
CRASH  
  
They slammed into the counter and landed in a heap. The gummi bears  
landed on Darien's head with a smack.  
  
"Ouch...hey! Gummi bears!"  
  
A hand reached from the haystack of hair and snatched them  
away, "Not for you baka!!!!" (heh heh can't you just see it?)  
  
And suddenly she was standing, righteous hair flying every which  
way before swirling to a stop like some kind of Goddess.  
  
Darien smacked himself in the head, ~Baka, stop thinking like that!~  
  
Serena frowned and held the gummi bears tight, "THESE are MINE! M-I-N-E!!!"  
  
"You can spell?"  
  
CRACK  
  
The sound of one Tsukino Serena's shoe connecting  
with it's target...the unfortunate cranum of one Darien Chiba.  
  
And as an after shock of all this, the fudge sundae plummeted to  
the floor.  
  
Andrew sighed, and headed out back for the mop.  
  
This was when the real fun began.  
  
"I want a gummi bear. Don't be greedy Meatballhead, share."  
  
"I *don't* think so."  
  
But then, as she moved to rip the bag open triumphantly and  
eat them in front of him...she discovered the bag did NOT want to   
open.  
  
Indeed, the plastic was tough as rubber and no angle or trick of  
trapping air seemed to be working. Her nemesis watched her  
struggle with glee.  
  
"That's what you get for not sharing GREEDY!!!! heh heh heh."  
  
"GRRRMUMBLESPUTTERGROWL" was the reply.  
  
"Nnnnnggggghhh!!!!" She uttered, ripping at the bag violently.  
  
"Do you want some help?"   
  
"NO!"  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"nnnnnnggggghhhhh I do NOT need your help...pant pant...."  
  
She was flinging herself all about the arcade, Darien noted, trying to  
open the silly bag.  
  
"Meatballhead, let me try..."  
  
"No!" At this she backed away and a chase ensued.  
  
thump thump thump, "Come here!"  
  
thump thump thump, "Go AWAY Darien, I am NOT sharing my   
precious gummi bears with YOU!"  
  
"It's a small price to pay considering you CAN'T get them open!!!!"  
  
thump thump thump GRAB  
  
"Give those back!!!!"  
  
"Just a sec loudmouth."  
  
Darien turned and pulled at the bag, "NNNNNGGGGGHHHHH!"  
  
hmmmm.....the bag really *was* tough to open.  
  
~Testosterone don't fail me now....~  
  
"nnnnnggggghhhhh"  
  
~Time to enforce some Tuxedo Mask like strength I see.~  
  
"NNNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH pant pant pant"  
  
~Hmmm....how embarassing. COME ON WRETCHED BAG OF GUMMIES!!!!!!@$#@$%#$^#$^~  
  
Serena watched on with amusement, "Well well Mr. Macho...looks like   
someone's not quite as strong as they THOUGHT they were! heh heh heh."  
  
But, quite suddenly, the bag tore.  
  
The rip nearly shattered the glass on the arcade windows and the sheer   
force of it threw Darien into a chaotic whirl.  
  
Serena yelled out as simultaneously, her precious gummies spilled out  
in all directions, and her nemesis fell, taking her down with them.  
  
Suddenly she was sprawled across him as gummies rained down from  
all angles, pelting them like a terrible sugary rain.  
  
Almost poetic....but not really.  
  
  
*ANDREW'S POV*  
  
And this, dear readers, is where *I* came back in with the mop.  
  
And there they were. heh heh heh.  
  
"I can't leave you two alone for a minute." I chuckled.  
  
But then I noticed Serena's face, as it emerged from what   
looked lika sea of golden hair....the rage...the sheer rage...  
  
all her candy....lost....  
  
Darien noticed too and realized he couldn't protect his  
ears in time with a decided cringe.  
  
"MY GUMMI BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
Came the familiar wail.  
  
One of the arcade games blew a fuse from the frequency   
of that wail.  
  
All I heard was a slight "ping" than the crackle and  
fizz.  
  
It was when the windows began to reverberate dangerously  
that the strangest thing happened.  
  
She stopped.  
  
She simply stopped wailing.   
  
The silence was so sudden my ears popped.  
  
For a long moment I thought the beeping was just   
my shattered eardrums peeping like tweeters....but  
then I realized the beeping was coming from Serena.  
  
She looked down at her wrist watch in alarm and I  
realized she'd stopped wailing because, somehow,   
she'd heard it.  
  
It was then I realized that Serena's ears are  
somehow immune to the sound of her own wails.  
  
I can't explain this phenomena....I'll leave  
that to Darien, he's the med student wannabe.  
  
Anyway, next thing I know, she leaps off Darien  
and bolts out of the arcade as though her heels   
are on fire.  
  
Darien watched after her in shock before suddenly  
clutching his head and running out after her.  
  
I shook my head and kept on mopping. I must state  
here and now, I don't know who of the two of them is  
crazier by times....  
  
*Author's POV*  
  
Darien stumbled out into the street, head aching,  
Sailormoon was transforming!!!   
  
He jumped to the nearest rooftop, transforming as  
he went. In leaps and bounds he was at the park.  
  
He listened, ears honed for the sounds of battle...  
but instead of crashes, growls and sneers....he heard...  
...a rubbery bouncing sound? That couldn't be right?  
  
Could it?  
  
He alighted in a nearby tree and stopped stalk still,  
staring like a five year old. He noticed Sailormoon  
standing in the same position. For there, in the park,  
were three giant gummi bears......  
  
Irony....a close personal friend of nat-chan's, had  
done it's deed with finesse this time.  
  
Tuxedo Mask choked back a snort of laughter.   
  
*HOW* ironic!!!!  
  
Mars was the first to speak up, "Is this some  
kind of joke?"  
  
*BOING BOING BOING* was the dazzling reply.  
  
She shot our her famous flames and singed  
the red one.....a chunk of it's shoulder was  
destoryed and it was covered in black smoke.  
  
"EWWWW Mars, yucky!!" Venus complained,  
she shot her crescent beam and took out the  
yellow one's eye....and screamed, "EWWW!!  
I got it in the eye!!! In the eye!!!"  
  
Jupiter shook her head and shot her lightening,  
the stomach of the green one disappered....a gaping  
a hole in it's place.  
  
And the tall, immovable Jupiter had to cringe,  
"awwww, that's just plain gross!!!!"  
  
Everyone turned to Mercury, she backed up holding  
out her hands, "Don't look at ME! They look  
gross enough!!!!"  
  
The three other scouts sighed and kept zapping the now  
deformed gummies.  
  
Sailormoon stood frozen, thoughts swinging wildly.  
  
~I'm beginning to think I have some sort of real  
connection with the youmas....I mean, first the giant  
birthday cake....now gummies???!!!!~  
  
(AN: a shameless plug of Nat-chan's OTHER fic  
about Serena's B-day....heh heh.....)  
  
"Mercury!!!" Cried Mars as the gummies got  
closer, "DO SOMETHING!!!"  
  
A startled Mercury shot out her mist of bubbles  
and everything was covered in fog.  
  
The only discernible sound was "*BOING* *BOING*"  
  
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT??!!!" Mars cried as the  
scouts scrambled to find the dreadful youmas.  
  
An armless, eye-less, singed up yellow gummi  
suddenly emerged in front of Venus. She screamed  
and random crescent beams nearly singed the other  
scouts.  
  
"OW! WATCH IT!"  
  
"I CAN'T SEE!!!"  
  
"AAAHHH THAT THING IS *SO* GROSS!!!"  
  
ZAP  
  
"JUPITER! ARE YOU *TRYING* TO ELECTROCUTE ME???"  
  
Tuxedo Mask looked down into the mist and listened  
to the chaos of the battle.   
  
Why wasn't the mist lifting yet?  
  
Suddenly Sailormoon's scream broke the air.  
  
Tuxedo Mask looked reluctantly down, haphazardly  
tossed a rose and lept down.  
  
  
He ended up smashing right into the gummi attacking  
Sailormoon.  
  
He blinked at her incredulous stare before noticing   
he was waist deep in green gummi....his rose was  
wedged into the creatures gummi nose. He tried to move  
and found he was stuck.  
  
"ARGH!!" He cried.  
  
The gummi continued to bounce, and Tuxedo Mask  
found himself looking very undignified.  
  
With a frustrated tug he tried to rip free.  
  
Sailormoon brandished her sceptor, trying to  
aim it around him to the gummi, jumping back  
and forth.  
  
Tuxedo Mask was sure she'd roast him.  
  
With a desperate tug he ripped free...his cape  
and black boots were gone...and then he heard a   
terrible ripping noise.....his pants....  
  
He landed on the ground next to Sailormoon  
as she fired off her sceptor and took out the  
Green Gummi.....  
  
He turned to assess the damage and found.....his  
pants ripped....right across the behind.....rose  
patterned boxers of gold silk fluttered in the wind.  
  
His face reddened....how was a superhero to remain  
dignified under such circumstances?  
  
He stood very carefully so that his backside  
was obscured from view....oh he could read  
the headlines now!!!!!  
  
"TUXEDO FLASHER SAVES THE DAY!"  
  
"BOXER MAN HELPS DESTROY GIANT GREEN  
GUMMI BEAR!!!"  
  
"TUXEDO UNDERWEAR IN LOCAL BATTLE!!!"  
  
He nearly wept.  
  
Sailormoon finally saw as the fog cleared,  
the other two gummies that the scouts  
kept shooting at.  
  
"Finally!!!!" She exclaimed, "I can get  
a clear shot!"  
  
She turned determinedly, not noticing Tuxedo  
Mask's....predicament.  
  
She was all set to destroy the yellow and  
red gummi's.....when a hippo rode in.  
  
Yes a hippo.  
  
A giant, stampeding hippo ran right into the   
battle.  
  
Was it a youma you ask? Was there a zoo nearby?  
  
No. It's MY silly short, and *I* want a hippo.  
  
heh heh.  
  
The giant hippo ran in, knocking the gummi's every  
which way and causing the scouts to turn heel and run  
screaming.  
  
"AHHHHH!!!" They cried, running towards Sailormoon.  
  
The red gummi was thrown and took down Tuxedo Mask.  
Together they were thrown back several feet.  
  
Tuxedo Mask jumped up angrily, "THAT'S IT!!!" He cried,  
although no one heard.  
  
He'd had enough of these dignity destroying youma's!!!  
  
He launched himself at the red gummi and wrestled with  
him as they bounced back into the frey.  
  
Sailormoon dusted the yellow gummi from a tree as the hippo   
continued it's rampage. It thumped their tree and she  
and the scouts came tumbling down....in time to see  
Tuxedo Mask bounce by.  
  
"Is that Tuxedo Mask?"  
  
"Are those gold silk boxers?"  
  
Mercury scanned them with her  
computer, "Yes, that's Tuxedo  
Mask and the red gummi....and  
the boxers are genuine silk too."  
  
Jupiter giggled.  
  
"GUYS!!!" Cried Sailormoon.  
  
They all muttered amongst themselves...not  
really sorry for laughing at her crush.  
  
"You'd better toast the youma." Mars pointed out.  
  
"I'm trying to get a good shot!" Cried Sailormoon  
desperately as Tuxedo Mask and the red gummi   
bounced from left to right....the stampeding  
hippo circling the clearing with furious snorts.  
  
*BOING* *BOING* *BOING*  
  
Thunder thunder thunder  
  
"TAKE THAT *BEAR*!!!!" Tuxedo Mask cried,  
landing another punch.   
  
Sailormoon had to admit underneath it  
all, that it was pretty funny.   
  
She prepared to take a shot when  
Tuxedo Mask lodged a rose in the gummi's  
throat and it exploded.....  
  
Tuxedo Mask was thrown, covered in  
sticky red gummi, onto the back of  
the hippo.  
  
The hippo ran off into the sunset, bouncing  
a furious Tuxedo Mask on his back.  
  
"WHAT THE??? WHOAAAA HIPPO!!!" Cried  
Tuxedo Mask.  
  
The scouts watched him a moment, then burst  
out laughing, doubling over.  
  
Sailormoon stared at them in shock, "GUYS!  
WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!!!"  
  
Mars snorted, "What? Why should we? The  
hippo's not a youma! He never helps US   
anyway!!!!"  
  
Sailormoon glared at her then ran off  
after her hero.....currently riding   
the back of a wild hippo, his pants  
ripped.....sigh, poor tuxedo mask.  
  
(AN: Mamo-chan's never going to speak  
to me again after this short)  
  
Bouncing from tree to tree, Sailormoon  
finally caught up with the hippo and lept  
on, smacking into Tuxedo Mask from behind,   
just as they rode into the city.  
  
The force of her landing knocked his mask  
off.  
  
He turned in surprise to look at her.  
  
"DARIEN!?!?!!!" She cried in shock.  
  
He never had a chance to reply as the  
hippo ran into traffic.  
  
ZOOM!!  
  
SCREEEEEECH!!! HONK HONK!!!  
  
CRASH!!!!  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" Screamed our  
two heroes, praying for their lives.  
  
The hippo raced through the streets  
as Tuxedo Mask clung to it and  
Sailormoon clung to Tuxedo Mask.  
  
It finally ran towards a store   
window...full speed.  
  
"WHAT THE??!!" Tuxedo Mask cried.  
  
The hippo ran straight through the  
window....of a candy store.  
  
CRASH!!!!! tinkle tinkle.  
  
The store owner ran out back screaming.  
  
The candy dispensers shattered and gummi's  
rained down over the hippo, who munched contently.  
  
Sailormoon found herself shielded underneath  
Tuxedo Mask who'd flipped her under him  
to protect her from the glass.  
  
But without the mask, Darien's clear  
blue eyes gazed uncertainly into her  
own.  
  
"You risked your life to save me." He said  
softly, "Thank you Sailormoon. I know  
I can trust you with my identity."  
  
Although...something about the way  
she'd screamed 'Darien' was awfully  
familiar.  
  
She smiled at him and reached for her  
broach, de-transforming underneath him.  
  
"Looks like now you can replace  
my gummies Baka!!!"  
  
FLASH, beautiful Serena with her sea  
of golden hair lay beneath him.  
  
Darien grinned down at her, "Meatballhead?  
You're Sailormoon?"  
  
She was about to make an angry rebuttle when  
he kissed her.  
  
It seemed that bringing those two identities  
together really did something for him.  
  
Her eyes widened in surprise before she found  
herself, inexplicably kissing him back.  
  
Tuxedo Mask....Darien.....baka and handsome  
hero.....what a strange, irresistible combination!  
  
*ANDREW'S POV*  
  
How did I come to find the startling image  
of Darien, pants ripped and gold silk boxers  
exposed, making out with Serena on the back of  
a hippo in a candy store window, covered in  
gummies you ask?  
  
Well, maybe you didn't ask, but I'm going to tell  
you anyway.....  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My craziest yet!!! *bows...subtly dodging tomatoes*  
  
thankies to K-chan, who encourages my craziness and  
gave me the confidence to put in the hippo.  
  
Domo-arigato boss-chan *salutes*  
  
Hopefully K-chan and I will co-write the fourth silly  
short....some time in the distant future....when something  
NEW enrages nat-chan!! heh heh.....  
  
thanks to all who e-mail me about these crazy things,  
like Kitti-chan who pre-read the first chunk for me :)  
  
That's all.....for now...bwahahahahaha.......*nat-chan  
mounts her hippo and rides off into the sunset eating  
gummi bears* 


End file.
